Mommy Needs a Martini

And Now...For Other Non-Important News

I have a friend in Shanghai whom I checked in on after the horrific quake in China...and was soooo happy to receive word from him that he is OK and ummmm...Shanghai is like 2000 miles away from the epicenter.

Yes. I failed geography. BUT....he did state they still felt "little shaking". Yep. I am pretty much thinking it's time to MOVE when one can feel a quake 2000 miles away...

That said...HE IS MOVING. Back to the U S of A in September which excited me to no end because I have known this man for 14 years and being that he is French...he has done nothing but drive me insane for that amount of time and for some sick reason...I enjoy it.

Other breaking news?

I am now the legal advocate for a domestic violence program in my area. If I tell you which one...I would have to kill you. Get the irony?

Too Much Fun

Let pictures speak words...

BLURRRRRR

IT'S A BIG WORLD SISTA...

METAL MAN

SCHOOL CHUMS (me lookin' dorky with the glasses and headband)

Dancing in the Speed of Light

The Man and I took the kiddo's down to the waterfront today. To a place that has this really cool modern building...meaning built "eco-friendly" and all that...that has a waterfall and pond that for some reason...is calming to me but brings out the raging lunatics in my children. In a good way.

I watched as Pea danced around the edges of the pool...hands in the air "wavin' like she just don't care"...and I was mesmerized by her pure beauty. She captures me like that. One moment she is stomping her foot...telling me that "I will do whatever I want...when I want" (which brings my parents moments of Zen like pleasure that are WRONG) and the next she is smiling and so blissfully free...dancing in the shafts of sunlight...wind blowing in her little bobbed hair (which by the way...I WANT her hair. This is where the mommy-jealousy thing kicks in...doesn't it????) and I.WANT.TO.BE.IN.HER.HEAD.

I want to dance on the edge of that pool like her. No worries but: What's mom going to make for dinner...and when will I see my best g-friend Gracie again...and why is the sky blue?

Instead of: Jesus...what the hell do I make for dinner tonight? Why am I not so social anymore? Why can't I be living under the blue skies of New Mexico?????

But then...I just watched her. Just let myself breathe in the moment and it was just sooooo joyous. So heart-rendering-be-in-the-moment joy that I thought "It just can't get any better then this. Nothing else really matters...but this. Right here. Right now."

And then? Then Bubber ran up to me...hugged me randomly (IN PUBLIC WHERE OTHER BOYS MIGHT SEE HIM) and then ran off to laugh and chase his little sister.

I cried.

Right there. Cried. Through the sun and the laughter and the love just pulsating through my body for Bubber and Pea.

The Man pulled me close and didn't say or ask one thing...cuz he just knew.

Today was a good day...

Shaman of Luke

So I am taking a Personal Mythology class at school this term. I figured I might as well buttress the required classes with a fun and introspective course.

Introspective YES!! It's completely mind blowing. I did some of the "rituals" today and it was....was...wellllllll...dare I say mind bending??? I felt like I should have been smoking some peyote in a Californian desert with Jim Morrison...not sitting yoga style in my bedroom...completely straight in the head (OK...I did have a coca-cola before hand) and listening to a ritual about seeking my inner shaman and forest paths and confronting my past demons...

Damn. There were some scary ones.

Is it wrong that I also meshed my journey with that of Luke's when he entered that creepy ass cave in the original Star Wars series and like sliced off Darth's head with the light saber...only to see his own face revealed beneath the mask?

Praaaah-bab-leeee not right...eh?

There Will Be Eye Blood

Um...if someone told me I would have to read a book about reading and understanding research as a requirement to get this degree I am pursuing...I would have laughed and said "Oh surely you jest??". Cuz seriously? This is some boring ass shit peeps. BORING!!!!

I think I would rather have to take three courses in math then one course in research. And that is saying A LOT about how boring this all is....

BUT...I must remember that it is leading to me to the degree...and career...I want.

So bring it on you unbelievably boring research writing people who must really NOT BE FUN at parties...

GAWD!

I think my eyes are going to start to bleed....

F&*&*&*&G Flu

I returned from the most amazing experience and people I have met in a long time...to end up in bed for 4 straight days...topped off with a trip to the ER today.

IV line full of liquid juice to get my veins rehydrated...along with anti-nausea meds and pain threads.

I think 5 days of socializing...dreaming...thinking thinking thinking and listening to all the amazing journeys my fellow students have taken and will take and are taking...left me drained and vulnerable to all those icky germs in the sky.

Here I thought a terrorist would take me down. Seems the flu caught within the confines of a fuselage should have been my main concern.

I am now already officially behind in my studies. I have two things due tomorrow. Thank god in the world of online school...Friday doesn't end until the stroke of midnight.

Alive and Kicking

I am here.
The plane did not crash.
There were no terrorists to ruin lives.
No crazed drunk people to piss on the food carts or cause a ruckus.
I napped for 30 minutes...watched The Office for 30 minutes and then read a magazine.
I am alive.
I am back in my old stomping grounds in San Fran.
The place where I gained confidence. The place that still feels like home more then any other place. The place where I am going to get my confidence, and self, back.
But for right now...I am going to eat a 15 dollar burger. YUM!

He is Fine

Is it wrong that I suddenly want to stalk this guy and move to New Mexico to live with him and his goats?

Me and My Little Pea

Little Pea is having a difficult time going to her daddy's. Even for one night. At school yesterday she cried to her teacher about how much she missed me. Then at ballet in the afternoon...her instructor came up to me afterwards and said that Pea began to cry in class about missing me.

We got home last night and she would not leave my side. Made something to eat. Little Pea was hugging my leg. Went into my bedroom to change out of my work clothes...Little Pea asked if she could wear a tee-shirt of mine. Headed to the bathroom...she opened the door and told me all about her day.

At one point...I had to ask her to stop following me. But then felt immediately bad as she curled into a little ball on the floor and said ever so softly "But I missed you sooooo much". Did you know that the floor is really a great place for a snuggle?

I am sure part of her anxiety is my upcoming trip to San Fran. 5 days away from them...will be the longest I have ever been apart from them since I birthed them. FIVE. Five days. Bubber will be ok. He will miss me. But he has now entered that part of time....where he can handle the missing. I think. Either that or he has already started the "I am a guy toughing it out thing"...which I hate.

But anyhooooo...I am hurting just knowing how much she is going to be missing me. And how do I explain to her that I am not only doing this grad school thing for me...but for them? So I can find a career where I can call my own shots...my hours...my pay and have more time for them? She doesn't get it. Yet.

All I can hope is that one day...she will realize these small scenarios of missing me...were leading to bigger pockets of time to not miss me....

Nice Guy Gets the Last Word

Sometimes...when watching paint dry on a wall that welllll...has no wet paint on it...but you are at work and it's damn friggin boring...you meander on over to Craigslist and "The Best Of" postings section...because welllllll...it's better then watching an already dry painted wall. 

I caught this one today...and just about fell out of my seat laughing. How perfectly nice of the nice guy to write for all those nice guys out there. And he gets it soooooo right!

Thank god I just up and snatched me one...or else this posting might lead to a shortage of them...